Thursday, April 29, 2004

Synchronize Yourselves
Nah! This is not a movie review about a movie I haven't even seen. But this is about something more real and more me.

It's about 9:20 a.m. in my computer and I just rose from the dead. I only got roughly 5 hours of sleep this morning. A few minutes ago, I was kind of sleepy and bored by the thought of another bumming day. I turned on my laptop and started "bloghopping", then, I came upon this article by Jamie. It is about synchronicity.

What is synchronicity?
Well, Jamie did give it a more than enough definition stated in more than one way. But I have this favorite definition - it is not so much as a coincidence as a natural result of being aligned with the universe (or God). This means that the synchronicity concept coincides with that of God's will. Besides the insatiable connection with God, what interested me most is that this synchronicity has been happening to me for a long time in different occurrences. Thus, it can be said that I am experiencing synchronicity.

I made a slight research on the topic and I found this psychologist who studied about synchronicity, Carl Jung (1875-1961). He made various studies as a psychologist to find evidence to prove the "oneness of man and universe". He found synchronicity. Unfortunately, like the scientists before him, he was branded as a wacko.

A classic example of synchronicity is you drive to a place where parking is "next to impossible" and someone pulls out of a parking spot or it is just waiting for you. Synchronicity is basically being supplied with a need at a moment wherein you least expect it, tight in the moment of need.

Me and Synchronicity
With that being said, I found another synchronicity! I have been looking for something that would make me reach the state of "bloginess" for almost a week now, and this synchronicity is that something! What a synchronicity!

I am finding this synchronicity stuff really nifty. It's like explaining the random connections of this world, in a pseudo-scientific way.

Maybe it's synchronicity when my parents brought a Happy Meal at a night when I was really hungry. Maybe it is synchronicity when I found out that we (me and Monique) stared at the same moon and stars though we are miles away. Maybe it is synchronicity when saw her and I felt the first rush of love flow through my veins.

Well, everybody has their synchronicities. It's a beautiful phenomenon. But what really intrigues me is the fact this is just a fraction of the truth about God's infinite plan. Even though it's a nice thought that it is impossible to find no similarity in thoughts for every million people, it's a more comforting thought that synchronicity is God's way of manifesting himself to us - only if we can connect the dots.

Want more synchronicity?

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

The Inequities of Time
Ever wished that a day would have contained more than 24 hours so that you could do everything you want to do in a day? Ever wished you could do something at the very moment that you wanted to do it because of the fact that if you don't, you can never do it again for the next day, you can't do it for the same reason you can't do it at the moment you wanted it? I don't know for you, because I do.

I wake up each day of my summer bumming days at about 9:00 a.m. after falling asleep at about 12:00 a.m. After wiping off the morning glories that unusually crowd my eyes as if I had sore eyes, I immediately jump off my bed and go straight to the kitchen. I don't eat breakfast because it's too late for one and eating will just make me lose my appetite for lunch. So, I just prepare my morning fast breaker, ice-cold milkolate. After gulping a hearty glass of my fave drink, I instantaneously turn on my laptop and tweak my newly face-lifted web log. I don't write any new post though I wanted to all this week. I really wanted to write about my Life in the Spirit Seminar Weekend but I just can't achieve the state of "bloginess".

So from 9:30 a.m. to about 3:00 p.m., I routinely go on-line, watch the NBA Playoffs, find a good movie on cable, eat lunch, go on-line again, and then take a nice cold bath. After that splash I gulp a glass of ice-cold milkolate to relax the nerves. Then, I bike to our store and tend it until 7:00 p.m., and then I go home and eat. I go on-line again to check on the people in the chat room, check my tag board, stare at my screen with the Blogger's Create New Post page, and patiently wait for me to achieve the state of "bloginess". These go on until midnight.

When the clock strikes twelve, my eyes begin to hurt like heck. It begins to feel dry and swollen. Usually, by this time, my Dad would tell me to sleep already. Though I don't want to, I reluctantly agree. Because I need to sleep, I drink my third helping of milkolate (I told you I love that stuff). Then, after I say my prayers, I lay down to bed but I still can't sleep. Then, there's this funny thing that happens to me. I remember things. I don't just remember, it is just as if events happen before my very eyes - moments with Monique, that guy who offers free Bible study sessions, my high school days. Sometimes, instead of past events, certain thoughts hover my cerebrum - waking up early tomorrow to play basketball, buying a new set of wardrobe, writing a new post, submitting a "My Favorite Book" article, buying everything in my books wish list, re-reading Catcher in the Rye, and many more random thoughts. Then, comes the most striking thought of all - even though how much I try, I can't find space in my whole day wherein I can do what I really want to do. I find out each night that a whole 24-hour period was not as productive as it should be.

Honestly, it's kind of depressing. God gave me 24 hours each day to live. I'll squander my hours trying to do something I want, like writing or reading. But I never stopped to think about what would have God wanted me to do with the time He gave me.

As I tuck myself to bed tonight, all I can do is to pray that the moment I wake up, I could muster enough sense to do what God intends me to. I'll even brave the inequities of time if I have to.

Friday, April 23, 2004

The New Look
To my good friends and colleagues, I officially present to you, my new niche in the entangled World Wide Web - Milkolate.

Believe it or not, most of these are my personal creations, born out of sheer blood and sweat over a gruelling period of two days. This shows how I love this new blog of mine (even though the old materials are also here). I should be sleeping right now because i have a big weekend coming up and I am so TIRED(look at the pic) but I am not. Actually, I'm typing beneath a big study table so that my folks won't see me. See, I am dedicated blogger.

Well, some of the parts will be updated, hopefully, weekly, such as the Weekly Cures for Boredom and the Milkman's Corner (I hope you're voting).

So why the sudden change? Honestly, I don't know exactly why. But I came up with the theory that if I improve my personal space, this blog, inspiration will flow like a cool and refreshing stream.

About the typographical errors, I'll try to work on them as soon as possible.

If ever you'll be looking for new posts this weekend, I may not be able to satiate your hunger for nonesense blogging. I will be buisy at my Life in the Spirit Seminar. I know what most of you think... Don't worry, this would be a good thing for me. We'll never know, maybe by next week, you'll see a different me. If ever that is so, I hope it would be a better me. So clasp your hands and pray for me this weekend.

Keep those blog-fingers twitching! Ciao!

Thursday, April 22, 2004

The Joys of Being a Tindero

1. I get a great view of our subdivision's main road.

2. I have EVERYTHING at my fingertips.

3. I get a time away from the enthralling luxuries of life.

4. I undergo 3 hours of non-stops mental number crunching (How many Menthos worth 70 cents would a lady get with her 6 pesos? [Solve that while getting the sum of the rest the goods from her long shopping list].

5. I brush up on my social skills by trying to engaging a small chit-chat with a grease-covered guy.

6. I get to play games like "Guess the Price" and the much pleasurable "Who can Cuss more Annoying Customer Behind his Back?" with my grandpa.

7. I get to see chicks and I don't need to ask their cell phone number because they write it for the e-load.

8. I get to watch this "Trying Hard Gay", as my grandpa call him/her, dance across the street like crazy.

9. I become the "Kuya" of a whole compound.

10. The best thing about being a tindero is the sense of worth and fulfillment after a witnessing a small crack in the Universal order - when one out of a hundred customers smile and say thank you for the menial service I've done.

Whoever said that tending to a sari-sari store is an unrewarding experience?

Well, I did. Once. Ü


Monday, April 19, 2004

Go Full Cirlce and Find Yourself
I don't know what to do. Well, to tell the truth, I know what to do but I simply can't do it. I don't know where to go. Yet there are so many open doors. But it's a matter of fact that there's only one place I want to be and it seems that that's the only place where I am off limits. I have so much in mind. Everything's a blur. So many questions, so much time, so much space, yet so little heart, I got to get through this... before it's all too late... but how can i find the answers i trully, desperately desire? Go full circle and find myself

The ebb and flow of life is an up and down polar express down the ditch and up the roof. Sometimes, life feels as if every piece of the puzzle is falling into the right places. Frankly speaking, my senior year in the "Batis ng Diwa" has been a one hell of a great time! I got good grades, I found great friends and greatness in friends (there's a difference between the two), I achieved beyond my wildest dreams, and I found a niche. I simply got ALMOST everything working out for me. But there still a sense of incompleteness in me (how passe could it get?). then came her - I know, you'll all think how pathetic I am writing about my love life again, but that's what's in me so if you don't want to hear about it, BUZZ OFF - the one person that finally gave all the answers. Time and space with her were absolutely magical. What can I say? She is simply, exquisite. I'll miss her walk, I'll miss her talk, I'll miss her scent, I'll miss her ways, but I am already missing her. But most of all, I'll miss the man I was with her (YES, that's a song but most of all, that's the truth so please bear with me!!). Because of her, I definitely would never be the same again. Omar without can never be the Omar with. But it's time to pick up the pieces left that I can salvage from the once afloat love boat that we rowed together. It is the same love boat that I rocked with a heavy blow and it is the same love boat that I desperately tried to save from sinking. It seems as if all efforts to redeem the one thing I hold dearest next to my God and family were just minor delays to the inevitable shipwreck that came. As the love boat sank, so did I.

After all that was said and done, what now? Why am I still at a state of unrest and uncertainty amidst all the comfort and encouragement? Why did I dig a hole even if I am already abyss? I'm devastated and I'm no longer thinking. I did a wrong turn and I just did another. Why am I losing grip. But I don't really know what's happening to me. The sense of incompleteness is back and is pulsating like a bleeding wound. I don't know what can feel the vacuum in my heart. I know God can but here is this humanistic feeling in me that yearns for something else. My soul yearns for God but heart is searching for another. But what is this another? hhhmmm.... maybe this another is the one who sent me sweet nothing on text messages which I save on my phone and when I read them, I feel so good inside me. Maybe this is the one whom I promised my love and devotion to. Maybe this is the one that gave me certainty. Maybe this is the physical manifestation of God's love. Maybe, just maybe, she was the one I was unconsciously searching for all my life. Now she's gone for good. I fought well but not good enough. I've gone full circle and now it's time to find myself coz that's all that I'm left with, myself.

Friday, April 02, 2004

Old Soil for New Seeds

Ithaka
by Constantine Cavafy

As you set out for Ithaka
hope your road is a long one,
full of adventure, full of discovery.
Laistrygonians, Cyclops, angry Poseidon -
don't be afraid of them:
you'll never find things like that on on your way
as long as you keep your thoughts raised high,
as long as a rare sensation
touches your spirit and your body.
Laistrygonians, Cyclops, wild Poseidon -
you won't encounter them
unless you bring them along inside your soul,
unless your soul sets them up in front of you.

Hope your road is a long one.
May there be many summer mornings when,
with what pleasure, what joy,
you enter harbours you're seeing for the first time;
may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfumes of every kind -
as many sensual perfumes as you can;
and may you visit many Egyptian cities
to learn and go on learning from those who know.

Keep Ithaka always in your mind.
Arriving there is what you're destined for.
But don't hurry the journey at all.
Better if it lasts for years,
so you're old by the time you reach the island,
wealthy with all you've gained on the way,
not expecting Ithaka to make you rich.

Ithaka gave you the marvelous journey.
Without her you wouldn't have set out.
She has nothing left to give you now.
And if you find her poor, Ithaka won't have fooled you.
Wise as you have become, so full of experience,
you'll have understood by then what these Ithakas mean.

------------------------------------------------------------

In these words of an old poet, I find the 4 years of my journey capsulated into verses. May the words of the old serve as a guide so that we, the fresh seeds of hope, find strength to endure the storms that may pass. May we all grow as trees whose roots are firmly planted into the old soil of wisdom and whose branches are stretched to the far reaches of the heavens above.
For all newly graduates may all of you feel the sense of pride now that we have reached our Ithaka. But be ready for we are to set sail again to find yet another Ithaka filled with far more riches than this one.
For those who are on their way, seeking for their own Ithaka, hope that your journey be a long one, filled with joys and pains. These will help you grow in mind and in heart.
For all who are on the road towards their dreams... keep Ithaka always in your minds, in your hearts, and in your soul.
To everyone else, help me find that eternal sunshine that would finally give light and radiance to my spotless mind.