Friday, May 21, 2004
Family Matters
At least they're having fun
For 16 years, I am living on a home with a family that has a very formal arrangement. We are not that close to each other. By saying that we are not a close family, it doesn't just mean that we don't know each other's favorite colors (which is also true), but also we don't have that open communication that is necessary for family survival. This maybe the reason why recently, we are having difficulties with problems related to each other. I, on my part, am having resentment over my parents - specifically towards my father. It is also obvious that my younger brother isn't particularly fond of me. These and a host of other problems, apparent and hidden, are plaguing our family.
Yes, I know, problems are integral for a strong relationship. But it is growing obvious, by the minute, that all that I see are problems, problems, problems... Almost 95% of my daily dialogue with my parents comprise a scolding, ordering, and my answering back. This has been going on for as long as I remember. I want it to stop.
People think that I have a perfect family. But is there such a thing? There maybe no quintessential family (except hte Holy Family) but honestly, there are families that I envy. I envy them for I see the children talk to their parents as if their talking to their best friends. It is pretty obvious that they are pretty open to each other. I envy families when I see parents laughing with their sons and daughters. We rarely tell jokes to each other. I envy siblings who treat each other like real brothers and sisters. I envy families whom we are not.
We are on a family crisis, whether we admit it or not. I know these problems are quite shallow compared to those of others. But I would never want to live to see the day when my family will be broken and shattered. I never want to have bigger problems that what we have. I love my family, and it's obvious each of us love our family. For this reason, this weekend, we are going to Cavite to have our Family Encounter.
For three days, I will be with my family. We will devote 72 hours for each other in hope that in doing this, we will come out as a better family. But frankly, I am afraid of my FE, especially the Family Dialogue. That is the part wherein we will all open up to each other and talk things over. For my part, I have a lot of issues that I want to raise. For the past few weeks, I have been taking mental notes on what I don't like about my family, and if they were to be written, they would fill a yellow paper. But still, I am having my doubts. I don't know if I should tell them for most of them are based for the good of myself and not for the whole family. I have been spending nights thinking on what I will say on that grand dialogue. Oh well.. Let Go and let God...
So, I'll be back on Monday. In the mean time, may I ask whoever is reading this to please, pray for our family, the Castanar family.
Ciao!
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